So, here we are on day 4 of government measures restricting our movements. In reality I’m on about day 12 of it, as I started retreating a while back on realising the the rates of infection were rising rapidly and I don’t fancy my chances against this virus given that I have the lungs of an elderly pony that spent a lifetime down the pits. Plus, it’s always possible I could contract it and few symptoms, meaning I could pass it on to more vulnerable people if I’m not careful. I’m doing this because we need to look after each other and my friends in the medical profession have told me with traumatised faces what this thing is doing to their patients.
And you know what? Even though it’s the right thing, and even though I recognise I’m in a better position than some, I’m not alright. I’m not darning socks or leaning opera and making my own butter. I haven’t taught myself to play the fucking theremin made out of a coat hanger and a broken radio. Mainly I’ve been working from home full time trying not to go full Steve Buscemi in Armageddon with significantly poorer IT and tech resources. Mainly I’ve been wondering what time is acceptable to pour a whiskey and put 68 drops of CBD oil directly into my eyeballs.
What have I done? Well, I cut my own hair. That went well. Now I look like an 18 year old art student with mange. I started growing a leek in a vase, which has actually worked but now I’ve become attached through lack of social contact and I couldn’t possibly eat Lenny now, he has ambitions besides being soup. I’ve put on 3 pounds in one fucking week despite no dietary changes because I can’t walk to and from work and I thought Joe Wicks was a characters on Eastenders two decades ago who went radge and locked himself in a room wearing a tinfoil hat.
Which I reckon I’m about 3 days away from if I’m honest.
If you are doing any of the things I mentioned, learning new things and making whimsical little videos to show toy your loved ones, I honestly applaud you. Do whatever it takes and whatever soothes you to help you get through this time. You’ll get no criticism from me. But I’m struggling to treat all of this like an exciting new adventure and trying to constantly look on the bright side. It doesn’t help that every night I go to sleep and every dream I have is like Orwell’s 1984 with Orcs, and then I wake up and it’s still just as fucking weird.
Since Boris Johnson made his announcement on Monday evening I have never felt more lonely. Not just the actual physical isolation I am currently experiencing, but the realisation that people around me who I thought were on the same wavelength as me are now cheering the police being given powers to fine and arrest people disregarding the new rules.
This is despite there being a massive lack of clarity around what the rules actually are. This is despite them being aware that the police are not and never have been consistent or fair with everyone. They are going to deal with the nice middle class couple who have driven to the seaside with the kids a lot differently to the homeless guy with mental health and alcohol issues sitting in the street. I’ve seen people demanding arrests of people for fairly minor misdemeanours despite them having no context whatsoever as to why the ‘accused’ may have been acting in such a way. Someone close to me has had a form of psychosis for about a year which involves a belief that the world will end this summer. Can you imagine what the world must feel like to them right now? Now try to think about what would happen to him if the police tried to stop him. Think about how those powers can and will be abused. If that hasn’t occurred to you up to now, be thankful it’s never had to.
Why the fuck would you applaud the government passing unchallenged legislation that can put people in jail for up to two years for coughing at police. No matter what your feelings are on that sort of behaviour that seem reasonable to you? Because if it does then you aren’t the person you think you are. It’s the riots of summer 2011 all over again where kids were going to jail for looting bottles of water for longer than I’ve seen serial perpetrators of domestic abuse do for GBH. Pure fear has not just made us allow the government to put restrictions on our movement and impose harsh penalties for minor offences, we have actually begged and cheered for them to do it. I’m not entirely exempt from this. Living in a coastal area that is popular with day trippers, I’ve found myself feeling resentful and enraged by the hoards of people coming here which has effectively left me unable to leave the house on a nice day as I’ve known seagulls when I’m holding a bag of chips to have better understanding of personal spacial boundaries than them. That includes all of those dickheads who were going up Mount Snowdon like the human centipede last weekend. I felt that they were the reason we were going to end up with police or even soldiers on the streets, more infections and deaths. While there is now decidedly less people coming to the area, there are clearly some ignoring the ‘remain in walking distance’ clause and I felt so, so angry at them. But why? Because I felt more entitled to that area than them? That is bullshit and it’s not like me at all no matter how much I despair of the human race at times. What if one of those people had been working 13 hour shifts in the hospital like one of my friends has and just needed some sea air? Who am I to deny them that. I have no authority to for a start, and nor should I. My feelings about it are less to do with them am more with me being unwell, exhausted and terrified right now. What we going to do next? Show papers at checkpoints? Have a think about that first if you think that could even possibly be a good idea.
We need to make space for each other and despite me seeing so many people wanting ridiculous consequences for disobeying the restrictions and requirements, I’m yet to meet one person who has followed them to the letter, always finding a way to justify them bending the rules slightly- usually entirely valid, too. You see for most of us, it would be pretty much impossible to militantly obey each point of the instructions. Even our government aren’t doing that which is why Covid-19 is currently going after the cabinet like spirits at the end of ‘Indiana Jones and the Lost Arc’ went after Nazi’s faces.
This virus is like nothing we could have ever imagined or planned for and we are being forced to figure it out as we go along at different paces depending on what our resources and access to information is like. And how strong our fear is. One thing I can tell you after spending years working with traumatised people is that when we are in a state of terror and threat, our brain, among other things, urges us to seek out connection. That isn’t something we have control over. It’s in a deep and primal part of ourselves. That connection might be with a stranger, or it might mean moving heaven and hell- safety and reason be damned- to make a journey to the our lover, parents, children, friend or our dog. Remembering that has made sense of all kinds of behaviour I have seen recently.
I don’t know what the rest of this year holds. We do have a chance to force real, meaningful change from this that will make things better for all of. Or we can allow an even more terrifying one to emerge. The choice is up to us.
Give each other space.
I don’t believe in cops, bosses, or politicians.
Some call that Anarchism,
I call it,
HAVIN’ A FUCKING HEART THAT BEATS!
I do believe in Freedom and never givin’ up,
Call my methods madness or call them luck,
But I do what I got to,
TO FEEL ABLE TO BREATHE!
And if you quit your job
Well, you can do a little breathin’ with me.
A punk rock song won’t ever change the world,
But I can tell you about a couple that changed me!
So tonight, we’re gonna fuck shit up!
Tonight we’re gonna fuck shit up!
Tonight we’re gonna fuck shit up!
Tonight…we’re gonna fuck shit up!
Sing with me now,*
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-a-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-a-a-oh
A punk rock song won’t ever change the world,
But I can tell you about a couple that changed me!
So tonight, we’re gonna fuck shit up!
Tonight we’re gonna fuck shit up!
Tonight…we’re gonna fuck shit up!
Oh yeah, oh yeah. ‡
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-a-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-oh
Wa-uh-ah-a-a-a-oh
punkfoodbandita 